Intro

Almost every couple I work with has been on the fence about writing their vows at some point. If it’s not for you, it’s not for you.

But for those still deciding: I highly recommend it.

Exchanging written vows can elevate any ceremony with a very touching and personal moment. Especially if you’re eloping and really have the freedom to say what’s in your heart without stage fright.

Here are some tips for getting through the hard part: actually writing them!

MAKE A LIST

List all the specific little things you love about your partner

Take a few days, think them over. Then use this list to help you come up with broader ideas about why you love your partner and your relationship together. Do you love the way they bring you coffee in the morning and always keep your phone charged? Speak to their thoughtful, attentive nature. Is your partner the most amazing listener, who always knows just what to say when times are tough? Add that in!

CHOOSE A FORMAT

While you should write your vows in private, sitting down with your partner to discuss the tone of your vows and approximate length can really help.

Half the anxiety of vow writing is one person thinking they’re going to pour their heart out into a 10 minute speech while their partner makes a short and sweet joke about their future together.

Consider The 'past, present, future' approach

Past: “Partner, when we first met I had no idea that you were going to change my life forever”

Present: “We have grown so much together and I am so grateful for the person you’ve helped me become in these last four years together. I love the life we’ve created for ourselves”

Future: “I promise to always be there for you, to give you space to grow and to treat you with kindness and respect.

You can fill in the rest with sweet memories and inside jokes! Aim for less than two minutes of speaking time.

PUT IT IN WRITING

If you can, write your vows by hand on nice paper. Handwritten vows make for great photos and keepsakes.

That being said – get them down anyway you can! Whether it’s on a hotel notepad, the back of an envelope, or jotted down as a note in your phone, anything – just write them!

Wingin' it on the spot almost never goes as well as you'd hope.

GET FEEDBACK

Need a second opinion?

This isn’t strictly necessary, but if you’re still nervous about your vows, you can always ask a third party to review one or both of your vows.

If I’m your officiant, feel free to email them to me!

KEEP IT SECRET (KEEP IT SAFE)

Here's the fun part

Keep your vows hidden from your partner until the ceremony for maximum effect.

KEEP IN MIND

It's not a contest! Write what’s in your heart.