Writing vows can be kinda nerve-racking – here are a few helpful tips to make sure you’re both on the same page.
Almost every couple I work with has been on the fence about writing their vows at some point. If it’s not for you, it’s not for you.
But for those still deciding: I highly recommend it.
Exchanging written vows can elevate any ceremony with a very touching and personal moment. Here are some tips for getting through the hard part: actually writing them!
Make a list
List all the specific little things you love about your partner
Take a few days, think them over. Then use this list to help you come up with broader ideas about why you love your partner and your relationship together.
Choose a format
Chat about tone and duration
While you should write your vows in private, sitting down with your partner to discuss the tone of your vows and approximate length can really help.
Half the anxiety of vow writing is one person thinking they’re going to pour their heart out into a 10 minute speech while their partner makes a short and sweet joke about their future together.
Consider The 'past, present, future' approach
Past: “Partner, when we first met I had no idea that you were going to change my life forever”
Present: “We have grown so much together and I am so grateful for the person you’ve helped me become in these last four years together. I love the life we’ve created for ourselves”
Future: “I promise to always be there for you, to give you space to grow and to treat you with kindness and respect.
You can fill in the rest with sweet memories and inside jokes! Aim for less than two minutes of speaking time.
Put it in writing
If you can, write your vows by hand on nice paper
Handwritten vows make for great photos and keepsakes.
That being said – get them down anyway you can! Whether it’s on a hotel notepad, the back of an envelope, or jotted down as a note in your phone, anything – just write them!
Wingin' it on the spot almost never goes as well as you'd hope.
Need a second opinion?
This isn’t strictly necessary, but if you’re still nervous about your vows, you can always ask a third party to review one or both of your vows.
If I’m your officiant, feel free to email them to me!
Keep it secret (keep it safe)
Here's the fun part
Keep your vows hidden from your partner until the ceremony for maximum effect.
Keep in mind
It's not a contest
It's your wedding day – you both win!