36 Questions to Ask Your Partner Before Getting Married
General wedding questions
1: What does “getting married” mean to you, in the simplest way possible?
2: How would you define an elopement vs a wedding? Where do we land? Are there aspects of both kinds of events that you would like to incorporate into our day?
3: What is the best wedding you’ve ever been to or heard of? The worst?
4: What elements or aspects of a wedding ceremony and celebration do you find most meaningful and important? Which ones feel irrelevant or cringey?
5: Could you name five sensory experiences you want to have? What do you want to see, smell, hear, taste and touch on our wedding day?
6: Did you have ideas about your wedding growing up? If so, how have those evolved or changed over time?
7: How do you imagine our wedding reflecting our values and beliefs as a couple? What about our personal styles and interests?
8: Should our wedding be a once-in-a-life-time fantasy, or should it more closely reflect our every-day lives?
9: How do you envision the overall atmosphere or mood of our wedding? From our attire to the environment, will it be formal and upscale, or casual and down to earth? Are there any particular aesthetics decisions that come to mind?
10: How important is it for you to have moments of quiet and intimacy during the day? What would those moments look like?
11: How do you envision the flow of our wedding day, from getting ready to the ceremony and celebration?
12: What are your thoughts on the role of surprises or unexpected elements in our wedding?
13: How will we distinguish between celebrating ourselves vs celebrating our community or with our community?
14: What does it mean to you specifically that our wedding is the first day our marriage? How will things change from one day to the next?
15: What are your hopes and expectations for our married life beyond the wedding day?
Planning questions
16: Do you like planning events? What are your thoughts on having a wedding planner or coordinator vs a DIY approach?
17: How comfortable are you with sharing wedding details and updates on social media?
18: Without naming a number – should our wedding budget be a big splurge that we save for over time so we can maximize the experience? Or should it be more like a weekend trip kind of budget, something more simple and within our means now?
19: How important is it for you to have a specific color scheme or theme for our wedding?
20: How do you feel about a video or livestream of the ceremony?
Vows & ceremony
21: How do you feel about writing personal vows? What kinds of promises do you want to make?
22: How would you like to handle the exchange of wedding rings during the ceremony?
23: Does it feel important to you that we sign our marriage license on the day of our ceremony?
24: Are there any specific rituals or traditions from our families and culture that you'd like to include?
25: Are either of us changing our last names?
About photos
26: Have you ever had your photo taken before? As part of another wedding? How did that go?
27: What do you feel is the point of having photos of our wedding? Who are wedding photos for? Looking back on your photos, what would you like to see?
28: Should we do engagement photos? How can we use an engagement shoot to reflect this moment in our lives?
29: What style of wedding photography resonates with both of us? (e.g., traditional, documentary, artistic, candid)
30: If you could have one single photo of the day, what are you imagining?
31: Do we prefer posed and formal shots or more natural and spontaneous moments captured?
32: Are there specific locations or settings that hold significance for us and that we would like to incorporate into our wedding photos?
33: Are there any specific must-have shots or specific moments during the wedding day that we want to ensure are captured?
34: Are there any specific cultural or religious traditions that we want our photographer to be aware of and capture?
35: Are there any special sentimental items that we would like to have photographed?
36: What traits would make you feel more comfortable with a photographer? Fun/easy going? Professional distance?
Bonus: eloping in private
1: What comes to mind when you think of an elopement?
2: What would make a private ceremony more special for us than a public one?
3: What possibilities do a private wedding open up for us? What would be impossible to do or enjoy with guests?
4: What would we have to sacrifice in order to have a private ceremony?
5: Are there parts of our wedding experience we could share with guests? Like dress shopping ahead of time or having a reception later?
6: How do we feel about keeping our elopement a secret from family and friends? Would we tell them before or after?
7: How will we actually share the news of our elopement with our loved ones and navigate their potential reactions? Do you think there is anyone who would respond negatively?
8: What elements or traditions do we want to incorporate into our elopement to make it meaningful and special for us?
9: How do we plan to celebrate afterward
10: If you were to get married during a vacation or trip, where would you go?
Bonus: weddings with guests
1: How do you want our wedding to make our guests feel?
2: What do you feel is actually the point of celebrating with guests?
3: Do you imagine our wedding involving or honoring our families?
4: Are there sections of the day you want to feel more private than others? Like just us, or a select group of people are invited to be a part of?
5: How important is it for us to involve our families and friends in the decision-making process?
6: If we could each only invite one single person to attend, who would it be?
7: Is there anyone you feel conflicted about inviting?
8: How do you feel about a formal sit-down dinner with a seating chart versus a more casual dining experience where everyone mingles about?
9: What are your thoughts on food throughout the day? Are there specific dishes or treats you’d like to have? Do you feel like the food we serve is part of our personal expression or is it more about the most efficient and crowd pleasing way to feed everyone?
10: How involved do you want our friends to be in the planning and execution of our wedding?
11: Is there anyone you feel obligated to invite, but would actively avoid talking to on the day?
12: Do you want to have a wedding party stand up with us during the ceremony? Who are those people and what does it mean to honor them this way?
13: Who are the people you’d be happy to invite, but wouldn’t feel devastated if they RSVP’d no?
14: Are there any guests who might have special needs? How can we ensure that our wedding feels inclusive and welcoming to all our guests?
15: What role do you envision our friends playing in our wedding celebrations?
16: How do you feel about incorporating communal cultural or religious customs in our wedding?
17: In what ways can we allow people to take care of us in this process? Is there help we can accept or ask for? Any worries about accepting help?
18: Is there anyone who can’t attend our wedding that you wish could be there? Can we honor them in some way publicly or privately?
19: What does it mean to you to truly be the hosts of an event or an entire weekend? What is the difference between being a host and a coordinator/planner?
