How to have a first look when you’re eloping

Planning resources

Nov 26

IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A FIRST LOOK WHEN YOU’RE ELOPING?

Absolutely!

It may be hard to imagine how you’d actually pull it off – most of our couples are traveling alone, staying in an Airbnb, and only renting one car for their elopement trip. So how do you manage not seeing each other while getting ready and while making your way to the beautiful location you’re heading to?

Let’s break it down! Tons of photo examples down below.

WHAT IS A FIRST LOOK?

In the simplest terms, it’s the first time you see each other after getting ready for your wedding.

You absolutely don’t have to have this moment photographed, but we’re big fans of making time for first look photos. It may feel contrived, but consider that whether your photographer is there or not, there will be a moment you see each other in your wedding clothes for the first time. It can be unexpectedly powerful and emotional to realize that after all the planning and excitement and travel and nerves, your wedding day is finally happening!

It’s so much bigger than the clothes, so even if you already saw the dress or the suit and helped each other get ready – talking a moment to intentionally mark the transition from “getting ready to get married” to “whoa this is happening right now” is a great way to settle your nerves and drop into the mindset of having fun.

DO WE REALLY NOT SEE EACH OTHER ALL DAY?

Every once in a while we work with a couple who thinks it’s fun to stay in different rooms the night before and totally avoid seeing each other until the first look – so if that anticipation building sounds like your style, you can do that.

But most likely you’ll want to spend the day relaxing together, and you could even hang out and mostly get ready together – doing hair and makeup and last minute steaming while having some snacks or a drink. The key is to save the final full effect for the first look. So maybe one of you heads out to the car while the other finishes getting ready. If you need help with zippers, buttons, bustles or tying a tie – we can definitely help with this part!

GETTING TO THE FIRST LOOK LOCATION

This varies so much depending on the plan for your elopement! Since most of our couples are hiking for their elopement, their first look could take place at one of three locations: either at their cabin, at or near the trailhead of their hike, or a special third location like an overlook point or lakeshore. They all have pros and cons – let’s discuss:

Obviously at your cabin, you can just walk outside and find a nice spot on the property! Sometimes it can be tough to get the lay of the land from booking photos though if it’s a place you’ve never been before. We always recommend planning a backup spot on the trail just in case you arrive and aren’t feeling the options at your lodging. And you should always communicate with the owner about inviting photographers onto the property – they may require a signed release or proof of insurance.

Having your first look on the trail can be so nice as it creates a continuous experience – you’ve already gotten out of the house, done all your driving and parking, and all that’s left to do is explore and be in the moment together. Have one person drive, and one sit in the backseat behind the driver to maximize the surprise. You can even cover up with a blanket, coat or dressing robe until you arrive.

A third location might come up for several reasons: there could be a beautiful overlook point nearby that you want to explore, but just isn’t right for a ceremony. Or maybe the trailhead of your hike tends to be really busy at the start and lacks privacy. Just consider that places that are both beautiful and easy to access are often crowded! If you need a third location but are more interested in privacy than views, we can always find a little wooded nook somewhere.

WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENS AT THE FIRST LOOK?

It’s honestly so simple: we’ll take one person and set them up looking out into the distance, the other approaches in some way and then you take some time to see each other! You can reach out to hold them for a moment, tap them on the shoulder, or just tell them it’s time to turn around. You can also take a moment to stand back to back, and then turn around at the same time.

It’s no secret that first looks have a reputation for being a heteronormative performance of the big dress reveal – and again, if that feels important to you that’s great, let’s do it! After all, wedding attire is a very important and exciting part of this whole thing. But we invite you to consider that your clothes are just one aspect of the experience. Yes, take in the clothes, the jewelry, the shoes, and your partner looking completely amazing – but don’t forget to hold hands and look into each others eyes and let the awareness sink in that your wedding is officially beginning. If you’re moved to tears, by all means please cry, but don’t feel like you have to fall on the ground with surprise and overwhelm. You can feel and react however comes up naturally in the moment. And that’s what we’ll photograph.

SHOULD MY GUESTS BE THERE AT MY FIRST LOOK?

Most of the time, no.

We recommend having your first look be private even if you are inviting guests to be with you for the rest of the day. Maybe especially then. It’s a vulnerable moment, and you’ll want to have space from well meaning but fussy parents and comments from onlookers.

The exception to this rule would be maybe if your family is around to celebrate before and after, but you’ve decided to go off and exchange vows in private. Having your first look in front of your cabin with everyone quietly watching from the deck could be a really cute way to get them involved in a small way while preserving the intimacy of your ceremony. As always with family stuff, your mileage may vary and it really depends on the vibe of your folks. Think through what kinds of boundaries you’d like to set with them – it’s perfectly acceptable to ask for no catcalling or jokes, no cell phones out, or for them to stay put at a distance.

SHOULD I HAVE A FIRST LOOK WITH MY DAD, MOM, PARENTS, GRANDPARENTS, FRIENDS… SOMEONE OTHER THAN MY PARTNER?

This is so far into the territory of personal choice that we feel kind of reluctant to weigh in on this. Whatever you decide, please consider a few things:

Why is this idea coming up for you? Is this person someone you feel deeply connected to? Are they invested in your relationship? What does it mean to them to see you in your wedding clothes? If it’s the photo op that feels important, that’s fine. Having photos of important moments with people we love is a totally valid want. Just make sure those photos are backed up with a real and strong relationship.

Not going to lie, I’m mainly thinking about absent and standoffish dads who often get a lot more attention than they deserve at weddings due to outdated traditions. If you love your dad and it sounds nice to share this moment with him, you have my blessing. Personally, I would have loved to have had a first look with my grandmother given the chance. So think outside the box about who gets to have that experience with you! It could be a nice way to honor your best friend or a family member who especially cares for you – and you certainly don’t need to do it at all!

HOW MUCH TIME SHOULD I PLAN FOR A FIRST LOOK?

A minimum of twenty minutes, plus travel time (whether that’s walking or driving). Most likely you won’t really need that long, but it’s so nice to have some breathing room and to not feel like you’re rushing at all. We’ve found that at the beginning of the day, the frazzled little delays of forgetting your bouquet in the house or watching a video on tying a tie can really add up – both in terms of time slipping away and nerves fraying. Give yourself the gift of a little pocket of the day where all you have to do is revel in each others’ company.